Homebound
by DeBrodes
Summary: "A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, holds NO SIGNIFICANT IMPORTANCE TO THIS MAN WHATSOEVER. What shall the name of this young man be?" I might upload a cover later but I can't find one/can't draw/too lazy.
1. Act 1 Part 1

Act 1 Part 1

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, holds NO SIGNIFICANT IMPORTANCE TO THIS MAN WHATSOEVER. What shall the name of this young man be?

 **Enter name.**

Stupid fatass

Well that's just plain mean.

 **Try again.**

 _ **James Breen**_

That's better.

 **Examine room.**

Your name is JAMES BREEN. As was previously mentioned, today holds NO SIGNIFICANT IMPORTANCE TO YOU WHATSOEVER. Your room is scattered with various POSTERS depicting your INTRESTS. You have a passion for CARTOONS and VIDEO GAMES. Man do you love video games. You have a special appreciation for a particular video game company, which for copyright reasons you can't name but rhymes with BLENTENDO. What will you do?

 **James: Remove fake arms from bookshelf.**

Fake arms? Why would you have, much less need fake arms? You can't imagine using them unless you were some sort of HARD-BOILED DETECTIVE or a CHILD WHO LIKES PRANKS.

 **James: Examine posters.**

You examine the posters strewn across the walls. Yup, they're all here. Adventure time, Gravity Falls, Legend of Ze—you mean, Kelda, Zario, Homest—OH SHOOT

 **James: Quick, remove the Homestuck poster from the wall before the reader can process this fourth wall break!**

You quickly knock the poster off the wall and behind a dresser before the reader processes the fourth wall break that questions the sanctity of the metaphysical fan universe this story takes place in.

 **James: Examine Sburb poster.**

Sburb? What's that? Oh right, that stupid PC game everyone is talking about. You don't really want to play it. You're more of a console gamer than a PC gamer. Your friends have been bugging you about getting it, but they're more annoying than helpful.

 **James: Examine pet gecko.**

Ah Jackamo. Sweet, sweet Jackamo. Is it possible to have a cooler pet? You think not.

 **James: Examine the contents of your closet.**

Inside the closet you find ONE (1) MASTER SWORD PROP(You decide to give up trying to avoid copyright claims. You can't run from Nintendo.), ONE (1) HYLIAN SHEILD PROP, ONE (1) PADDINGTON BEAR PLUSH, ONE (1) ETCH A SKETCH BOARD, ONE (1) HAWAIIAN FLOWER NECKLACE and SEVERAL (-) SPIDERS AND BUGS. Man, you should really clean this out more. You haven't seen this Paddington Bear plush for years. It… kinda freaks you out to be honest.

 **James: Captchalogue all.**

You captchalogue everything you found (except for the spiders and bugs, of course) into your minigame modus. You will need to play a short minigame if you want to access the item later. Sometimes, in the dead of night, you captchalogue an item just to play the game. This would bring shame to your family if anyone found out. Oh hey, one of your chums is pestering you.

 **James: Open Pesterchum.**

Pesterchum? That old app that comes pre installed on phones and computers? No one uses that crappy thing anymore. You can't even send pictures! You use a texting client like every other teenager on the planet.

 **James: Open texting client.**

 _Textlog_

 _4/13_

 _12:20_

 _CM to JB_

CM: J u there

CM:J

CM:J

CM: J

JB: WHAT?!

CM: Hi

JB: Hilarious. Comedy gold.

JB: Now what do you want

CM: Did yu get it

JB: Get what

CM: The game

JB: Con, I told you I'm not getting it

CM: Com on man, its free

JB: Even if it is, it came out three days ago. I'd never get a copy

CM: No man that doesn't matter

CM: They have enough disks for everyone on earth

CM: People say it's magic

JB: Yeah right

JB: I'll get a copy of the most popular game ever if I just believe hard enough.

JB: Just click my grey rubber sneakers together three times

JB: " _I want a copy of Sburb I want a copy of Sburb I want a copy of Sburb"_

JB: And boom.

CM: Yeah p much

JB: Ok then. I'm gonna grab my computer

CM: Dont forget the heel clicks

JB: Of course.

 _12:40_

 _4/13_

 _JB signed off_

Man you hate him. You hate all your friends, really. You're convinced you have some form of Stockholm syndrome.

 **James: Head into living room.**

Your parents get cranky if you take the laptop into your room. If you're going out you should probably prepare for a strife.

 **James: Combine Master sword prop and Hylian shield prop, then allocate to strife specibus.**

You combine the two captcha cards, then allocate to your strife specibus and equip. Perfect. You look like the hero of time himself, except for the fact that you have brown hair and glasses and look nothing like him.

 **James: Exit.**


	2. Act 1 Part 2

Act 1 Part 2

 **James: Exit.**

You step out into the living room,wielding your (foam) sword and (foam) shield. You can't see or hear your parents. It should be a straight shot to the laptop charging in the middle of the room.

 **James: Grab the laptop.**

You sneak over to the laptop, hoping not to alert your parents. You grab and captchalog it.

" _Pashhh… kachick"_

The disk drive on the computer is accidentally opened, emitting a loud noise that can be heard around your house. Your parents are alerted, and jump out of their room. Well, there's no facing it now. It looks like you're gonna have to…

 **[S] James: STRIFE!**

(Since this is a written fanfiction that has no way of conveying sound, any command proceeded with an "S" will have a link to music for you to listen to in another tab while you read this part of the put it at the end of a YouTube link. /so5E7Y6yVqc)

Your mother equips her weapon of choice, the brush. It is feared by cowlicks everywhere, and a stroke through your hair hurts as much as a stab through the chest. Your dad keeps his weapon of choice, the fists. You aren't too worried about him though. If he even tries to punch you, mom will hit him with the brush.

 _ **ROUND 1**_

 _ **STRIFE!**_

Your mother _aggrieves_ , and comes at you with her brush. You _auto-parry_ a few hits with your shield before succumbing. Your hair is painfully ( albeit fashionably) straightened out. You run your hand through it, returning your cowlick to it's rightful position on the back of your head. You run towards your mother and _assail_ her. Ooooh, that's a grounding. You dodge another round of _assaults,_ then _agress._ Your mother is defeated.

 _ **ROUND 2**_

 _ **STRIFE!**_

Your dad goes to punch you for angering your mother, but she blocks the attack for you. You _accuse_ and call child protective services. Your dad tries to _abuse_ the phone out of your hand, but you re-captchalog it, ending the call. He is defeated.

 **James: Go outside and check the mail.**

Ug. You know the game can't possibly be there, you didn't even order it. But you're down to your last resort for entertainment while you're grounded. You head out the door, and check the mailbox. The flag is up. (Who doesn't know it's called a flag?) Inside is some bills, a magazine, two brown paper envelopes, a letter to your dad, and a catalog for furniture.

 **James: Laugh with righteous vigor.**

HAHAHAH! CM was WRONG! Magic isn't real, and you don't have the beta, which is kind of depressing.

 **James: Return to room and text friend about victory.**

You return to your room, and get your laptop (You play a small game of pong. It's one of the games you're better at). You pull up the chat client and talk to CM.

 _Textlog_

 _4/13_

 _1:15_

JB to CM

JB: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

CM: Wut

JB: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

CM: Wat dis

JB: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JB: I WAS RIGHT

JB: NO GAME

CM: Aw man

CM: Are you sure

JB: Yup I checked

JB: Just some catalogs, letters, and brown envelopes

CM: Do the brown envelopes have logos on them

JB: Yeah actually

JB: I didn't really look at them

JB: I just thought they were for mom or dad

CM: Dude

CM: That's the game

JB: Really?

CM: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Cm: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

JB: …I'm putting them on

 _1:25_

 _4/13_

 _JB signed off_

How? How is it possible? You didn't place an order… Can you even order? You bet it was just Con. He probably ordered it for you. But you still feel… off. Well, no matter. You have the game, and it's time to play.

 **James: Play.**

You insert the first disk into the computer and…

 _ **PSYKE**_


	3. Act 1 Part 3

Act 1 Part 3

 _ **PSYKE  
**_

A young man sits at his computer in his living room. Today, this young man will play a game with his friends, that will probably CONTRIBUTE NOTHING TO HIS LIFE WHATSOEVER. Currently, he is logging on to his computer. His password is his first and last name. What was his password again?

 **Enter name.**  
Nerdy dickbag.  
Nerdy enters his name into the box. It doesn't work. Does that even count as a name?

 **Try again.**  
Connor Mcale.  
The password is accepted.

 **Examine room.**  
Your name is CONNOR. As was previously mentioned, you are playing a computer game with a few of your FRIENDS. You have a varied array of INTERESTS, such as BEING TRASH WITH YOUR FRIENDS or LISTENING TO MUSIC. You are in fact wearing a T-shirt for one of your favorite bands right now, 21 DISCOS. You also like to play VIDEO GAMES. What will you do?

 **Connor: Retrieve arms from cat box.**  
Three things are not here. The first are a pair of FAKE ARMS, which you doubt you even own. The second is your CAT, who is probably in your room sleeping. The third is the HUMOR OF THIS RUNNING GAG, which appears to be missing.

 **Connor: Dance like a madman and barf on your floor, rehashing this running gag the author forgot to put in the last parts.**  
You wouldn't do that, even if the sanctity of the running gag depended on it.

 **James: You do it too, wear your Hawaiian flower necklace and run around your room.  
** You can't run around, as you are sitting on your couch playing that stupid game. You grab your Hawaiian flower necklace and put it around your neck though.

 **Connor: Do something to show the reader your sylladex and strife specibus.**  
You go to the kitchen and pick up your preferred strife weapon, the (butter) knife. It goes into your balloon modus. It can pick up any amount of things, no matter how big, but if you want to retrieve an item thing falls onto the floor. It can be a pain, and that's why your floor is so messy.

 **Connor: Allocate butter knife to strife specibus.**  
You… do that. Your strife allocation is knifekind.

 **Connor: Enough lollygagging, boot up the game!**  
You think you're done with the synopsis of this new character, so it's time to boot up the game! You press enter on the opening screen. You're given a loading screen, then a view of James's room. That's… a bit odd. How is it capturing that view? No matter. You have to sync up with your co player.

 **Connor: Text James.**

 _Textlog  
4/13  
2:00  
CM to JB  
_

CM: I have view of your house  
CM: Um  
CM: Why are u in a flower necklace  
JB: Because  
JB: Yes  
CM: Yes?  
JB: Yes.  
CM: Ok then  
CM: What do I do now  
JB: I have a walkthrough pulled up on this game  
JB: It's pretty in detail  
CM: Ok what does it say to do  
JB: Apparently you have three items you need to deploy  
JB: Wait wait wait  
JB: It says you deploy them in my house  
JB: It's probably just a virtual area  
CM: Ok Im putting them down

 **Connor: Be James.**  
You are now James.  
You hear a large crash outside your room. You run into the living to find a large square shaped machine in front of your TV, and a smaller rectangular machine by the fireplace. Outside the glass sliding door you see a giant circular pad with a tall arm landing on the patio, ripping the screening. You run back to your room and pull up the chat with Connor.

JB: WHAT IS HAPPENING  
JB: THE MACHINES DONT LAND IN A VIRTUAL AREA  
JB: THEYRE IN MY HOUSE  
CM: Well yeah  
CM: Doesnt it say that on your walkthrough  
JB: It says that it lands in your house  
JB: I thought that meant I had a virtual house with an avatar  
JB: How is it possible that they are physical?  
CM: Well from the tabs I can use its gonna get a lot more real  
JB: I'm glad my parents are in their room sleeping  
JB: They can sleep through an earthquake  
JB: Oh crap I think something's happening in my living room  
JB: I'll get back to you

 _4/13  
3:00  
JB signed off.  
_

 **James: Go to living room.**  
You head back into your living room. The TV hanging over the… Alchemeter? Totem lathe? The Big Square Thing With The Tube On Top. The TV hanging over the BSTWTTOT is about to fall on the TOT! The TV falls, and the tube pops open. Something comes out...


	4. Act 1 Part 4

Act 1 Part 4

 **James: Go to living room.**

You head back into your living room. The TV hanging over the… Alchemeter? Totem lathe? The Big Square Thing With The Tube On Top. The TV hanging over the BSTWTTOT is about to fall on the TOT! The TV falls, and the tube pops open. Something comes out...

 **James: Examine thing.**

You examine the thing. It's a big ball of… light? It makes a weird noise. Something tells you that you probably shouldn't touch it.

 **James: Examine BSTWTTOT.**

You examine the BSTWTTOT. A big cylinder of teal crystal has fallen on the ground next to it. Man, you should have listened to Connor when he told you about this game. Imagine how much you could get for this…

 **James: Examine the other machines.**

You walk over to the thin rectangle machine and take a look. It has a ton of buttons, a hole for a capcha card, and a little carver doo-dad. The other machine outside has totally destroyed your patio. Your parents are going to kill you.

 **James: Examine the captcha card on the table.**

On closer inspection, it appears to not be a captcha card but a PRE-PUNCHED CARD. It's hard to make out what's on the card, but it appears to be the symbol on your shirt, an 8-bit Mario. It's different colors though… does it have any significance?

 **James: Consult what seems like Rose's walkthrough but the author throws in a bait-and-switch so it turns out to be another thing.**

Suddenly, the author pulls ANOTHER bait-and-switch and the walkthrough is now Rose's!

Consulting what is now apparently Rose's walkthrough, it says that you are facing certain death from a rain of meteors hurtling from the sky. You'd think you'd be a little more shocked, but with the giant machines landing in your house and Connor being able to see you through some hidden camera, you've kind of been worn out.

Just give it a second.

Aaaaaaand…

 _OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE._

 **James: Run around screaming at the certainty of meteorological death.**

And the author had time to fit in the gag after all.

 **James: Contact Connor.**

 _Textlog_

 _4/13_

 _3:20_

 _JB to CM_

JB: I AM ABOUT TO BE KILLED BY A GIANT METEOR HEADING TOWARDS MY HOUSE!

CM: Huh

JB: Yeah it took me a minute too

CM: OH MY GOD YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE

JB: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CM:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

JB: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

JB: Ok calm down

JB: My left pinkie hurts

CM: What does it say to do next

JB: I have to "prototype my kernelsprite"

CM: You have to build a small model of that glowing blue ball

JB: It says to "put something next to the kernelsprite you have a strong attachment to and don't mind being your guide"

CM: No J

CM: I see that look on your face

CM: I can see it on my screen

CM: I know what you're thinking

CM: Don't do it

CM: DONT DO IT J

Your kernelsprite is now JACKAMOSPRITE!

CM: Seriously J

 _Sprite log_

James: Sooooo

James: Hi

Jackamosprite: chirp

James: I guess talking to my pet gecko in spirit form isn't the weirdest thing that's happened today

Jackamosprite: trill

James: I guess you don't really talk much

Jackamosprite: *gecko noises*

James: Ok seriously

James: You literally just said "gecko noises"

Jackamosprite: *more gecko noises*

James: Forget this.

 **James: Do the only logical thing and put the blue crystal log on top of the pedestal thingy!**

You decide to drop the silly made up names and spend a good five minutes reading up on the lingo of this game, while totally forgetting that death by meteor is only 10 minutes away. While running down to the "alchemeter" you drop the "cruxite dowel", cracking a chunk off on top. Well, no time to make another one. You decide to use the dowel as is.

 **James: Scan dowel.**

It's horrifying! It's terrifying! Indescribable! You made… you made….

ONE (1) PERFECTLY GENERIC OBJECT (RED)

This thing is useless. It doesn't do anything. Despite that, it seems to have wasted your entire store of grist! It's not even worthless. It's less than worthless!

 **[S]James: Quick, put the card thingy into the machine thingy and carve the thingy!**

(/E8VdqW8lOwU)

For the last time, it's the "pre-punched card", "totem lathe", and "cruxite dowel". {1:59, 1:58} Now that that's cleaned up, you grab the pre punched card, insert it into the lathe, grab another cruxite dowel from the cruxtruder, and carve it. {1:20, 1:19} You run back out to the patio (this game is doing wonders for your leg muscles) and put it onto the pedestal of the Alchemeter. {1:00, 0:59} The arm comes down, scans the dowel and produces a teal… arcade machine? {0:55, 0:54} You run up and look at the screen. It's Donkey Kong! {0:49, 0:48} You start the game, running up the pipes and dodging barrels (you've played your fair share of donkey kong with your modus) {0:48,0:47} You try to jump and grab a hammer for invincibility, but a barrel lands on you and you lose a life. You can't afford to lose your real one. {0:38, 0:37} You start over, jumping and climbing. You're about to jump to the top rung, but DK throws an unavoidable barrel and you lose another life. {0:24, 0:23} You're put back at the beginning, more determined than ever. {0:15, 0:14} You jump and dodge, climb and swing. {0:10, 0:09} You almost die three times, and narrowly avoid virtual and actual death. {0:08, 0:07} You've made it to the second to last rung. {0:06, 0:05} You've only got one life left. {0:04, 0:03} You dodge the barrel that killed you last time, climb up the latter, and get to the princess just in time. {0:02, 0:01, **0:00** } Just as you see the meteor crash around you, the house, you, your parents, everything is enveloped in a teal light, as you enter.

 _ **END OF ACT 1**_


End file.
